Dear Mimi,
I know this is going to sound strange, but I think you dance like Mama Cass. While I always considered you graceful (specifically when compared to my extreme clumsiness), you were not a dancer. This is not to say that you did not dance. You loved to dance - with Dad. And everyone loved to watch the so obviously loving and intimate conversation you two carried on while dancing. And you danced with him everywhere. On trains, down hospital hallways, in the grocery, in the chemo room.
8.29.2011
8.10.2011
Our Special Day
Dear Mimi,
Thirty-one years ago, on the way to the hospital, you were having some doubts. You told Dad to turn the car around -- you were fine, you didn't need to go to the hospital. It was two weeks earlier than you expected to be making this trip. Plus, you didn't like those pale and pasty chubby babies with no hair. I like to imagine that you made the 'yuck' face as you delivered this speech.
The next morning, at 5:55 a.m., I arrived -- long and skinny, with a thick tuft of black hair, and quite ruddy. You told me I was everything you didn't expect a baby to be, to your surprise and delight.
Thirty-one years ago, on the way to the hospital, you were having some doubts. You told Dad to turn the car around -- you were fine, you didn't need to go to the hospital. It was two weeks earlier than you expected to be making this trip. Plus, you didn't like those pale and pasty chubby babies with no hair. I like to imagine that you made the 'yuck' face as you delivered this speech.
The next morning, at 5:55 a.m., I arrived -- long and skinny, with a thick tuft of black hair, and quite ruddy. You told me I was everything you didn't expect a baby to be, to your surprise and delight.
8.01.2011
I'll Never Say Goodbye
Dear Mimi,
I listened to the same song everyday on my way home from work. Everyday, for a few months. It always made me cry. At first, I thought it was because I identified the song with your fighting spirit. There is a refrain in particular that I think of:
You keep alive a moment at a time
But still inside a whisper to a riot
To sacrifice but knowing to survive
The first to find another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm waiting for a sign
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I'm on my knees
I never wanna die
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm running through the fire
Forever, whatever
I never wanna die
You fought the cancer. You cursed the cancer. You radiated the cancer and poisoned the cancer and demanded the cancer leave. You were a little conquerer, trying to take back your body. The times the cancer was on the run, you did victory dances and screamed in jubilation. When the cancer came back, you spit, you stomped, you fought ever harder. If there had been a burial plot waiting for you, you would have danced on it. Defiantly.
I listened to the same song everyday on my way home from work. Everyday, for a few months. It always made me cry. At first, I thought it was because I identified the song with your fighting spirit. There is a refrain in particular that I think of:
You keep alive a moment at a time
But still inside a whisper to a riot
To sacrifice but knowing to survive
The first to find another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm waiting for a sign
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I'm on my knees
I never wanna die
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm running through the fire
Forever, whatever
I never wanna die
You fought the cancer. You cursed the cancer. You radiated the cancer and poisoned the cancer and demanded the cancer leave. You were a little conquerer, trying to take back your body. The times the cancer was on the run, you did victory dances and screamed in jubilation. When the cancer came back, you spit, you stomped, you fought ever harder. If there had been a burial plot waiting for you, you would have danced on it. Defiantly.
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